A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
