my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
