its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
