I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
