so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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