so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
