Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
