I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
