he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
