first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
