I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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