ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
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