did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
