"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
