those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
