Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
