HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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