my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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