There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
