Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
