planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
