Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize