Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
