god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
did i just pee glitter
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
