maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
