it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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