Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
