I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
