it wasn't lemon gatorade
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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