I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
