I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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