one two three fourrrrnication!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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