Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
