Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
