I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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