Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
