hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
