just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize