Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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