I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
