she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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