Hey man sorry I got all grabby
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
