I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
