I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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