xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
