youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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