There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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