and she was petting her beer can
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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