You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
