i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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