oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
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