I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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