This gyro tastes like lonliness
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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