the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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