So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
