I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My pussy is not your playground.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
