Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
