i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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