omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She needs sedatives and a leash
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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