don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
