Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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