worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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