I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
