Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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